Day Ten - A Hard Good Day

Today was a good day, but was probably the hardest I've had in this fast so far.

At one point I was so overwhelmed at the responsibility of being a single, full time working mom, whose life seems to be in pieces, and who has a LOT on her plate WITH a special needs child, I just broke down in the bathroom and wept (I did it there, so Joshua wouldn't hear me in the other room).  I think the final breaking point was Joshua's teacher calling this afternoon to tell me that Joshua was out of hand, flailing around, and was telling her and everyone about his daddy's guns and how he gets to play with them.  She was VERY upset about that and wanted ME to fix it. What am I supposed to do?

So, I sent D. an email and asked about it and then got a reply from him.  I'll not comment on that here.

So, after my mom went home today, I went to the bathroom, sat up against the sink, and just sobbed asking God to please wrap His arms around me and hold me. I felt VERY alone.

Questions going through my mind were: How am I REALLY going to do this?  How do I handle handling Joshua's special needs AND work full time?  This job is too hard for me. God, I am in over my head. I NEVER wanted to put Joshua in school anyway full time.  And, here we are.  Oh God, please help me.

But, God sent me a friend who text me right at the moment I was asking God to please send someone to encourage me.  God had asked me to leave my other friend alone for now, so I have.  THAT alone is hard, because I could definitely use some of their encouragement.  But, for whatever reason, God wants me to walk part of this journey alone.

But, God filled in and sent me another friend to text me and encourage me.  Then, my friend said they were going to go to pray for me right then. What a blessing they were.

How blessed I am!  God DOES love us so much!

I was blessed to get to spend time with the kids at our church tonight, and those little people always seem to know how to bring out a laugh.  They are amazing kids.

And, I was blessed by some more friends' text messages and phone calls tonight.  God helped me to be at peace again, and I know I can rest my head well on my pillow tonight.

I have two little people who need me and rely a lot on me. And, I am blessed to be able to snuggle with them tonight and wake up to feel their little arms curl around my neck to tell me they love me.

There is much more to tell about today, but I don't feel like writing about it all, so for tonight - I'm going to be quiet.  Just quiet - Well, As well as I can be, anyway!

See you tomorrow!