I wrote this yesterday - Yesterday was Day 18. But I'm only just now getting to post it.
I hope you are blessed by it - for it SURELY was good for me to go back and read it again.
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D. has been laid on my heart, yet once again. For that, I'm truly thankful, for I didn't know if I could ever feel a burden for him again, after all he's done. Yet, here it is again. Just a burden to pray for him.
I know in my obedience in my separating myself in this fast that God has helped me to gain this compassion, strength, and heart to pray for D. once again. Had I not obeyed God in doing this, I KNOW I would not have be here emotionally or this strong to do this.
So in this, I began to pray again for D., and this was my prayer this morning:
Oh my wonderful, loving Father God,
How I love you. I worship You and give You praise. You alone are worthy.
My Father, I come to you interceding on behalf of D. again. Oh God, that You would have mercy and draw him to you again. Do what it takes to bring him to you. Break him, Oh God. Do not let him perish in himself. Do not let him go. Oh God, that his enounter with You would come. That he would surrender.
Oh God, I pray you would put people of influence in his life, throught his day, that would push him to You. Put people in his life to speak truth to him and give him Your Word to draw him to You. Oh God, pull him back to You.
I know You have not let him go. You love him greatly. Your Word says if ANY (even one) of these sheep gets lost (Luke 15:4), that You WILL go find him.
He got lost, Lord. But, he was once part of the sheep herd before. He just got lost.
So, I know You are going to get him. I pray he hears Your voice and heeds it - coming back quickly.
I know You are standing at the door of his heart knocking (Romans 3:20) on the walls of his heart. I now You are waiting for him to answer Your call and your knock.
Oh God that he would not be at peace until he answers Your knock and comes to Your voice. But, I pray that he would be miserable, until he comes to You again. Do not give him rest in his searching, until he finds You, I pray.
May he hit the bottom, oh God, and turn to You for help up. May he search for You and cling to You forever and ever.
May he long to be the man you've called him to be. May he stop seeking his own self and seek You instead. Oh God, that You would have mercy.
How I love You, my God. I thank You for your protection and guidance all along this journey. I thank You for the shelter of Your wings and the strength of Your arms to hold me even in my lonely hours.
I know this man's decisions will NOT keep me from what YOU have called me to do and the plans You have for my children.
I thank You that You have set my destiny in motion, and that You know my heart.
You KNOW I do not want to be with this man again. I do not want his arms to wrap around me again. I do NOT want his lips to touch mine again or anything else of that nature. I do NOT want him again - in my home or anything else.
I am thankful that You know my heart, and You are guiding me into goodness and truth.
I will not worry about tomorrow or all that is to come. For I trust You. If it is Your desire for this to be again, You will give me the strength for it. You will change my heart.
If it not be Your desire, then I pray You continue to show me. And, I pray even in that, that You will not let D. go, but have mercy on him and draw him to You.
I trust Your promise to me to bless me and my family in unimaginable ways - blessing my "socks off." I know you have plans to use me incredibly. Your ways ARE higher than mine, so I want whatever it is that You want, Lord. May my heart line up with Yours always. I give myself to you everyday to use me as You will.
All for YOUR glory, oh my God, my King.
In Your Precious Son Jesus' Name, I pray,
Amen
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