House versus People in the House

Why do so many Christians take more of an interest in saving the house, the union, the institution, rather than saving the people in the house, the union, or the institution? Since when did the union become more important than the people who are in the union?  Why is it that way?

God isn't more interested in saving the house over saving the people in the house.

When we as Christians find it more important to save the marriage or the institution rather than saving the people in the marriage, we lose sight of where God's heart really lies.  He sent His son to die for the person, not for the marriage.  YES, the vows were made before God.  But, how many people have broken their vows they have taken before God?  I'd say EVERY married person has broken his or her vows at one time or another before God.

Has each married person honored their spouse as they said they would? Has each spouse loved their mate like they said they would? Have they done ALL those things they said they would do BEFORE God?  NO!  I think not!

So, hopefully, if those spouses are Christians, they repent and continue on in their marriages, striving to do better.

Well, I did repent for my flaws and faults in my marriage.  I worked HARD to keep it together and to keep my marriage together.  I prayed, loved, accepted, loved, submitted, loved, treasured, loved, honored, loved, kept quiet, loved, kept at peace, loved, and more.  Yet, it wasn't enough.  My marriage failed!

And now, it seems I'll be signing my final divorce papers next month.  And, honestly (you might want to sit down for this), I'm wishing it were happening THIS month, not next month.  I'm ready for the final step in all this to be taken.

For months, I've done whatever I felt God was asking me to do.  I've walked every way, I felt Him lead me to walk - or at least I tried to do so anyway.  I've listened, loved, obeyed, loved, been kind, loved, been strong, loved, learned to trust, loved, and learned to wait on and IN Him.  And, now, I'm here at the end, and I hear God say, "D.'s leaving was a blessing to you.  I blessed you with him leaving."

*Laughter* - I can hear some of my readers now say, "Oh my, that's blasphemy."  But, I'm sorry dear readers, that's what God has told me. He even confirmed it to me through 3 different people, and one of the ladies who interpreted one of my dreams a couple weeks ago (and she didn't know me or about my situation) said, "This divorce is God's protection on you from D. It's more than financial protection.  It's God's protection on you in a lot of areas."

So, this Sunday, I asked God to give me understanding.  He had shown me His ways, and the WHAT that was going to happen (this came in January of this year), but I didn't understand all His ways for this, and I wanted to understand better.

He lead me to Jeremiah 8 -


8You keep saying, "We are wise, 
       because we have the teachings of the Lord." 
    But actually, those who explain the Scriptures 
       have written lies with their pens. 
 ⁹ These wise teachers refused to listen to the word of the Lord, 
       so they are not really wise at all. 
    They will be ashamed. 
       They will be shocked and trapped.
 ¹⁰ So I will give their wives to other men 
       and their fields to new owners. 

He took their wives and gave them to other men?  GOD did this? What!  Well, I had journaled about this in January, and God had had me write it down in my journal in January, but I never had had a scripture for it.  AND, I never had read this scripture before or thought about it.

In my journal in January, God had me write, "I am going to strip D. of what he holds dear. I'm going to take his family and give it to someone else, and I'm going to take his possessions and other things he values from him. "

Now, when I wrote this, I cried out to God saying, "Oh God, please don't do this to him.  Have mercy on him." And God replied back, "It's in my mercy that I'm going to do this.  It's because I love him that I will do this.  If I don't do this, he won't come back to me." And, I know it's in God's mercy that He is giving this to me too.

But, back in January, had I told someone what God had told me to write, I felt that they would "slam" me for it.  I felt that they would put me down and say, "Well, THAT wasn't God.  God wouldn't say that."

*Smile*  But, I knew it WAS God at the time; I just couldn't explain it really well. Now, I feel more secure in what God told me and more secure in the destiny He has set before me.

There is more to tell on all this.

I KNOW now that I will no longer be married to D. after my papers are done.  I do NOT believe that I have to be committed to him anymore, and that I CAN move on, should God lead me to someone else later.  I do NOT believe that I am still "married" to D. after my papers are signed, and I KNOW that I do NOT have to stay unmarried after the papers are signed. *laughter* I can not even tell you how freeing this is to me.

Now, I'm not running around looking for anyone,  and frankly, I am QUITE unavailable right now. But, I do not despair ever finding someone now.  And, I do not despair having to living alone the rest of my life and living without a partner to share life, vision, God's will, missions, laughter, and more with. I do not despair.

I do not dread being single, but I do not dread meeting someone I might like to be with, and then having to think to myself, "Well, ya knoooooow, you're still married to D."

:)  Nope - I don't despair that either!

*sigh*

Update on Things Here

I know some of you are wondering how things are going and where are we with everything.  So, I'll take a moment to update you on things.

The paperwork for my divorce was filed in March.  In fact, the day I knew it would be filed was the day I started my 40 day fast.  I could NOT not fast during this.

Presently, my and D.'s lawyers are working out all the technicalities of everything (I think).  Final papers are supposed to be signed next month - sometimes around the middle of the month.

 God has kept His hand on me in all this. He has given me wisdom, sent me friends to help me, and surrounded me with people to encourage me and support me in this journey.

Prophetic words have been given (all lining up with one another), and even two dreams were given to me, and interpreted by someone within a week of the dreams given.  That in itself was an amazing experience that I'll write about later.

I know this divorce will go through, but then I knew it would go through back in January - God had told me it would go through.  I fought it then in my spirit, and my heart cried out against it.  But, now I am at peace with it.

I know some might not understand, but I'm truly at such a peace in this.  I am content to rest in Him, and I do not cry out against this divorce anymore.  I am just surrendered to whatever God wants to do. I live for Him.

I don't live my life for anyone but Him.  Before, I lived with the fear of what others would think. I lived with the fear of what some would say about me being a divorced woman in the ministry.  I lived with the fear that others DID judge me and said I had given up on my marriage.  But, I know that is not true. I did not give up.  I DID let go when God asked me to do so though.

Should D. get his life together, and come back to God, I would work to reconcile. But, I will not pray for reconciliation or even desire it right now.  I do not.

I wish my picture could turn out differently as some have.  Yet, at the same time, I like the picture that God has set before me of what's ahead.  It is good.  He has good in store.  He has assured me that He will take care of me and the boys no matter the poor decisions of others.  And, He has shown me time and time and time and time again that HE is my provider, and that HE gives favor along with grace for the journey.

My mother and I were talking about this just recently. She said something I hadn't thought about.  She said something along the lines of, "Isn't it interesting that it wasn't God's perfect plan for King David to have all his wives, and it wasn't God's perfect plan for King Solomon to have all his wives.  Yet, David was a man after God's own heart.  AND, God used King David and King Solomon in such a mighty way - to WRITE the Psalms and Song of Solomon and even possibly Ecclesiastes."

Two of my heart cries since I was a LITTLE girls was "Oh God, may I be a girl/woman after your own heart, and God make me wise like Solomon - as wise as him, if you so please to do that."

And, most of my life, I've been told by others, "You have such a passion for God.  God has such an anointing on you.  You have such a heart for God.  The wisdom He has given you is way beyond your years."

Now, I don't ride on the talk of others, but I do KNOW that I strive to do God's will EVERY day of my life. I seek to KNOW Him more and do what HE would have me do.  AND, I pray for wisdom, which I KNOW He gives!  His very Word says He gives it to those who ask.

I know I have found favor with Him, and that I am pleasing in His sight. I know this wasn't His perfect plan - this divorce that I'm about to finish up.  But, it IS in His plan.  And, He will use it for His glory.

So, while I'm waiting.... Well, listen to the song below - It speaks what my heart beats now!



That's about it for now. There is more to write, and I WILL get to it.  But, I have written all I'm supposed to tell for now.  You'll just have to wait for the rest of the story to come later.

Be blessed,

TJ