Day Seven - Cleaning Out

So, I'm cleaning out. 

I've been doing it in stages, but it IS being done, none-the-less. 

At first, it was putting my wedding and engagement rings away in a safe place for the boys back in September.  Then, it was putting all the photos away of D. and I that were taken together, back in November.  Then, in January and February, it was cleaning out the garage of D's stuff (almost all gone now) and cleaning out the house of things that remind me of him. 
One of these last steps is my closet.  So, today, I finally took my first nigth on our honeymoon outfit out of my closet and my little lingerie nighties out and put them in a box to give away.  I had saved one of my honeymoon outfits that I wore to Disney for our week there (yeah, I'm sentimental like that), but that went out too.  All goes to Goodwill in hopes that someone else can use it. 

It's too big for me to wear now anyway, as I'm slimmer now than I ever was when I was married (lots of fasting and working out).  And, if D. and I did ever get back together, I'd want to start with something fresh and new.  If we don't get back together, I don't need the stuff anyway.

I know there are some that are still holding out hope for us (though none are in my family - REALLY- my family is GLAD it's over).  I'm finding out now that no one, and I do mean NO ONE in my family EVER liked D.  My dad even told me yesterday that he'd tried for 11 years to like D. , but always did struggle to like him. Wish they'd told me this BEFORE I married him.  Wonder why they didn't?

At any rate, there are a small handful of people who are holding out hope (mostly Christian ladies I know who think marriage is until death do you part - no matter what), but that's it.  For them I just have to say, "I didn't lose hope.  I just let go."  But, then I heard God tell me to do that last September. 

I still do love D., and I cherish the sweet memories we did have together.  But, I did and AM letting go. 

My counselor is helping me go through a process to completely let go and break the soul tie to D., something that I am glad that is being done. 

I have a lighter spirit about me, and I am truly at peace about all this. It DOES stink that this is where it is, but I KNOW I am where I am supposed to be. I AM completely surrendered to whatever He wants to do in me. And, as one sweet lady told me to do  I have posted on me "I am NOT available."  I have it posted on me in the way I walk, in the way I dress, in the way I act, in who I talk to, and in what I say. 

I am NOT available.  Nor do I plan to be available for a LONG time!  I want God to complete what He wants to do in me.  I want HIS perfect will done, and I REFUSE to compromise! 

This is exciting to me - this cleaning out process and this complete surrender to Him.  VERY exciting!

For though I have longings and wishes - dreams, desires, and wants, I have completely surrendered to HIS will.

"Here I am, God. Use me as you will!  Do with me as you want! For I am your servant!"

Cleaning out!  That's it for today - just cleaning out and getting ready for the next step God has for me ahead.  Exciting stuff - for sure!