Just the Wrong Time

Sometimes, we can get ourselves in battles that we shouldn't have been involved in the first place. We put ourselves in other people's company or in relationships that should not have been there. We end up timing things wrong, and don't heed God's timing or wisdom that He offers. Not to say that those things might not come about later on, but the timing for them now just isn't right.

Well, that's been me the last 6 weeks. I put myself in a place that wasn't God's timing for me to be in. I allowed myself to go to a place that I shouldn't have, and now I'm paying for it.

My heart strings started becoming wrapped around something that they shouldn't have been, and I let myself start down a path that wasn't yet for me to start down. Now, I get to pay for my foolishness.

NO - I didn't commit adultery or even go THERE - for all you who are thinking it!
But, I was foolish, and I did not act out of wisdom. I let a friendship develop that I shouldn't have, and I am sorry for it now.

Don't ask - you don't REALLY want to know the whole story, do you?

Well, maybe you do - but I'm going to leave that for another time.

At any rate - my sweet, precious, and boldly anointed best friend called me out on it yesterday, and even though I hem hawed around about it, trying to get around the issue, when I got off the phone with her, I knew what I had to do. I had to make a detour and get back on the right road.

In my own selfishness, I started down this road. I wasn't considerate of the other person, or myself for that matter, and I should have been.

So, in the last 24 hours, I've been working to get my mind AND my foolish heart back on the right road. I'm just thankful I haven't had to deal with it on the other person's end yet or have to address anything, for I am sure I would BAWL (as we say in Alabama) through it all. And, I'm so thankful that I am doing this now, and not later on when it would be all the harder.

For now, I know that though I might have failed a few tests, I passed this one today, and I hope to pass the rest to come.

I have to be honest - letting go, yet again, really scares me, because I TRULY do not want to lose the friendship. I wonder if it will still be there after the dust of things here have settled here with Dave.
But, as for my friend - I can't hold onto something that wasn't God's timing. So, God said I had to let it go, and if the friendship was to develop later, in HIS timing, that HE would work it out - not me. So, between yesterday and today, I told God I'd let it go.

Through many tears and surrender to God once again, I am letting go. My heart hurts, and I am going to miss the friendship. I'm going to miss the "chats" every few days, the shared laughs, the comradeship, the shared day's events, the shared visions, and more. I'm going to miss my friend greatly - more than I can say! But, as my best friend told me, so lovingly, yet bluntly - I wouldn't have had to even be in this battle or position if I hadn't allowed myself to go there. Uck! She's so right!

So, I am letting go AGAIN! Should God ever lead me back to the road I had started down, it will in HIS timing - HIS time. But, this time, I'll wait, because I want HIS best.